心酸

I don't know what am i even holding onto

I thought by acting nothing happen everything will be alright . I thought by being normal everything will be erased . I thought by not thinking of it everything will fade . But no , im wrong .

I thought everything will start fading , and yes , everything actually started to fade at first . But there is a twist towards everything isn't it ? When things start to fade , something must to happen to the extend that everything is coming back to me again . I thought its easy , but well , its not .

Its going to be 2 weeks without seeing him . And things were going well to the extend as forcing is the best way and feelings started to fade till today . It was open house and because Stella wanted to go our school , so she forced me to go to open house with her . Im being dragged out of bed at 10.30 and im dreading tired as i slept at 4+ yesterday because of my phone as i restored everything and my phone is still fucked up till now as i haven't download back my musics . Im those kind of peepo where i'll be a mad girl if i don't get enough sleep because that's the only way to make me awake and entertained . I began to go hyper when waiting for bus because of Alien's song so when im in school , im really even more mad than at the bus stop . I didn't expect to see him , or i should say i'll be avoiding because i don't wanna see him as my feelings are fading . But i guess that's fate , i couldn't hide , i still saw him .

I can't believe my mind is full of his smile , the image when i saw him . I couldn't believe that im a mad woman in school today with my sis . I don;t know why am i holding onto someone which doesn't affect me in the first place but end up effecting me like hell . I don't get it why am i holding onto this feeling which  is only purely one sided and its a sudden feeling after something happened and this feeling doesn't seem to be real . I don't understand why am i even letting him affecting me easily .

我宁可继续痛 ，我也不希望有短暂的幸福 。我要的是永远 ，不是短暂的真心 。如果没有好感 ，就不要对我好 。我好笨 ，我会以为是真情 ，我会白痴地相信你 。这次我上钩了 。

Why is it so hard to forget someone ?

Why is it so hard to let you go ?