I just want to let you go .

為什麽讓我情不自禁愛上你 ？

Back to blogging , because there's alot of unsaid feelings i wanna say out . And the only way left is to express everything out by words . I don't know when this feelings came , but i only know they're making me feeling miserable .

In the first place , we both were attached . I know i wouldn't rely on him . When i broke up with him , he were there throughout for me , especially the moment when i called him and he rushed down to find me to cheer me up . And this actually don't make me rely on him much . I always think that there's always a guy friend , and he's one of them at first . I don't get it why he will try to make funny faces whenever he see me , and i don't know why i will laugh at his ' nonsense ' but still , a big thank you to make me smile although he can be doing to other girls too .

We don't seem to be strangers . We don't seem to be super close . But what i can say is , i feel comfortable when im around him . And he successfully made me rely on him just one day , within 5h . And this is the first time we went out together after like so freaking long without contacting each other . And the reason we will go out was because i was taking bus home that day after a meetup and i don't have school because its express maths paper 2 . Supposingly before i went up the bus its obvious there isn't any cchy peepo and i have no idea how the hell he pop out . And i guess im really cockeyed . But yeah so he just asked if i wanna go out but i was struggling anot as im having poa paper the next day and poa paper was the paper that im really confident in getting high marks . At that point of time he was just a guy friend so going out with him doesn't matter much .

And he just said just go there and study lo . And i could't say out the place as its gonna be super obvious . Whether is there anyone reading this post anot . After that day , 3 Oct , ive fallen in love with him . I thought it was just depending on him , i just over rely him . And that feeling wasn't fading . So i thought i will not see him in the holidays , and i can thoroughly forget about everything . I thought i've given up , but actually , i have to admit that when i receive his message , i'll still smile like an idiot and even , increasing of heartbeat . And i have to say , this is the first time im having such a reaction .

I really hate it when i got such a high hope towards everything he said . And end up disappointing myself instead . I hate myself for liking peepo , because end up im torturing myself again . I hate how little things can effect me , i hate how my mood changes . I thought i can control , i thought my prediction is right , we will only be friends , but no , im wrong . I didn't expect i'll fall for you . And everything you do is giving m饿 false hope .

I just want to let him go . Because i know im losing this game again soon . Its going to be G.A.M.E O.V.E.R . Yet im silly enough to think that i won't lose again . Im losing myself in this battle , im losing everything . Why must i continue falling in love with him when i know that he doesn't even freaking have the intention to catch me when i fall . Why must this feeling sucks .

If i can know what is in your mind , i know i wouldn't be suffering now .