“ 不管多怀念 ，最终还是过去 ” You know things still hurt . But you need to act like you don't care . I guess that's the worst feeling isn't it ? It's fine in the morning and afternoon . But it's tough at night . Yes , im getting way too emotional at night . But i guess that's what my heart thinks isn't it ?
In times , i miss the past .. Whereby we don't have to encounter pain .. Probably in primary school ? (: I'll definitely remember the happiness in primary school .. How cute we were , especially in Primary 6 .. Complaining about Mdm Lee , staying us back in recess . Ask us not to copy but yeah , obviously we were copying from each other xD Will never forget the memories with 6/3 whenever we have what sports game and inter class competition .
“ 就让我被回忆纠缠着 ，然后你开开心心过你的日子就好 ” 真的太多太多回忆了 。。 我还记得我跟Felicia 说的一切 。。我今天 ，翻了2C de class photo 。第一个人 ，看得也是他 。。看着我们班 ，不知不觉就笑了 。。我跟Felicia说 ，我好怀念 。。怀念一切 。。记得第一次我们在一起的那天 。。我永远都不会忘记那天 ，我们两个出去 ，约会的第一天 。第一次跟他单独两个人是那时 ，lion dance 有表演 ，然后我先meet 他才去 Manlok 家 。15022012 ，第一次约会 ，是个星期五 ，永远都不会忘记 。。
那天 ，他要我先回家 ，他要去拿东西嘛 。。然后那天我竟然迟到了 :p 迟了差不多20分钟 。。然后也知道他其实等了一个小时因为他拿了东西就去Northpoint 了 。。然后我就直接说 ，如果爱一个人 ，不管多久都会等 ，不是吗？他笑着回答我 ，嗯 。。 然后我们就去Pastamania 。他去吃午餐 。。在那里 ，他也给我他去拿的某样东西 。看到了其实有感动到 。。因为我没有想过他会给我那样东西 。很明显对吧 。就是一枚戒指 。。很普通 ，上面刻着 ，S ♥ R 。。觉得超惊讶又超开心的 。。
我其实刚开始的时候 ，跟自己说过 ，我不可以掉进爱情里 。这段感情不会超过2个月 。。最后还是掉了 。。那天 ，Koi 比原本的还要甜 。。在地铁里 ，第一次躺在他的肩膀 。。另一天是星期六耶 。。又无法跟他说话 。。因为我本身要出去 ，跟我的6/3 有small gathering , 庆祝两位Miss goh 的生日 。也就我的科学老师 ，还有Jasmine 的生日啦 。然后他也要跟亲戚出门 。。
其实那时还好 。。因为刚在一起 ，不会觉得很不舒服 。。第一次约会地点 ： Bishan and Ang Mo Kio 。。 星期天 ，刚好我也出门 。我就用了Traacy 的电话上FB 。看到他的简讯 ，一天没跟你说话 ，我好想你 。那时的我 ，当然在地铁傻傻地笑啊 。。然后就想到home econs lesson .不一样班 ，偷偷发简讯 。。然后我就会在班上偷偷地笑 ，周围的人就觉得有古怪 。。(":
Kind of random but lazy to transfer to chinese so i'll type in English , continuing everything . I still remember once , after common test , there's this motivation workshop as post activity . So we are suppose to form a big circle and sit as a class . So yeap , that time some of the peeps know about our relationship alr . Because during common test , when we're sitting according to register number , he was like being questioned by Anderene and Jacky . But obviously he didn't say anything out luhh .. That time we just don't want to tell too much peepos .. Being the first couple in class , will kena sabo and stuff .. Abit paiseh .. So he is sitting beside me , and then we were in the same group when we're doing group work for that motivation workshop and it's time for presentation , Amanda's group ma , then she announce it to the class too .. You know it's awkward , the whole class know and the so call teacher knew it too ..
It's like after that workshop , it's recess . Then the boys were like pulling him , the girls were pulling me . He manage to escape so im safe uhh .. The class wants us to kiss in class .__. Awkward much right .. Ik . There's way too much memories .. In my mind now is actually class bbq in June holiday that time .. That day is basically awesome can . I can still remember when we are going back , the boys were cleaning the pits , we girls went to the toilet .. So the guys waited for us outside the toilet . Okay luhh , basically that time im the one who needs the toilet luhh :p So sweet right . That time he was carrying my back then outside waiting for me . Perfect scene .. (":
It's late , we were like still strolling .. Then Jeff was like hope to see us kiss . I can never forget that moment man .. That day obviously kena suan luhh .. I still remember Anderene asked a question . She asked Song yi , is it fun going out with us . He was like we both lovey dovey he feel extra like that , and i was like okaycan , get used to that kind of response le . Hahah .. I can still remember while waiting for bus before going to Pasir ris park in the afternoon , his mum called , and i was like screaming hello aunty !! Then his mum was telling him must take good care of me if not she will beat him or something and it's like so touching right !
There's too much memories in my mind .. I can't like type everything out here .. If not i'll be like smiling , and then soon will turn out to be crying .. We were like real damn sweet before .. And everything just ended like this .. It's exactly three weeks .. In fact , im not scared about holidays .. What im actually afraid is school reopen .. Im like will i break down in class . I can't do so and stuff .. I thought im strong enough , telling myself , Serenthia , you must learn to accept that he's gone . You must be happy , because he is happy without you . I thought i can be like so damn positive , because im forcing myself , telling myself i should be contented , 8 month plus it's more then enough . But i guess im wrong . Everyone is selfish isn't it ? Frank enough , i'll never step into relationship again ..
Im not even sure when i can let go of everything , im not even sure when i can really be very happy .. Fate might be kidding with us .. Until now , whenever i browse back all the photos , im like , we still have couple face lehh .. Why everything end ... ? The forever that we promised each other , where has is gone to ?
My feelings now .. Words couldn't express everything , im like so tired everyday .. Thinking of him , but he's not mine now , missing him , but he's never mine again .. Im forever , hoping for miracles , hoping that there's changes but i realise , he express some of his feelings through twitter , and whenever i saw his tweets , my heart will sank to the bottom ... It hurts man ..
Im trying real hard to move on , but it seems sooo hard . Why not just hang on , and just like continue to love him , just don't let him know right .. Yeap , that's my plan . Something i damn dislike about this is , i have to pretend that i don't care when i care more then anyone . I have to act like nothing happen but im like crying . This is the first time okay .. Because of a guy im like over here torturing myself ..
Im hoping for the best .. Still waiting for miracles . Pictures will be posted tmr i guess .. Stay tune to my next blog post . 23rd , sis birthday . 26 , back to Indonesia ♥ I wanna enjoy okayy !
" 放不下，想不开，看不透，忘不了。"
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