Moodswing :/

Shall not post any pictures today .. Mainly , im having moodswing today and im gonna say everything out here . Like suddenly , im feeling so down . Family problems and personal problens . Its like this hse , literally no use liao can . Sis so damn no use , father lehh . Even worse . I was watching 败犬女王 this afternoon . This couple , they stead for like 2 month den they were apart for 6 years . Now they are back tgt again . Actually mood okay de . After at night , tht useless asshole come kp me , mood totally change . So being the eldest i nd to do everything including buying dinner for Stella ? Say im the eldest , but u lehh , as a father dk how go buy ah ? Everything depend on me la ? Keep saying i useless den how abt u ? Say le also dulan .

Den suddenly feel like crying . I was watching 绝对达令 . Actually first 15 min bo taiji . But den advertisement time i go check my phone . Ml send msg ask me whr is baby . Say tmr they all going for swimming . Den tht show make me anyhow think , actual mood not vry good also . I was thinking , if really he going with them , den sua bahh . I dun hav the rights to ask him to pei me instead of not going . I cannt be so selfish . Ask him pei me instead of not going out with his friends . Im still tht kind of girl who would sacrifice myself just for others . I just want them to be happy . They can ignore my feeling becos i dun mind . They can treat me as transparent , so long they are happy . To me , other peepo happy , i will be happy too . 我没有争取过自己应该有的 ，我也不会去争取 。因为注定我是一个人 ，透明的人 。No one is willing to spare a thought for me . Not even someone who will care abt me . To be serious enough , who would sacrifice for me just to see me smile ? Im still those type of girls , who act strong but actually im so damn week . I really dk who to trust . Becos i scared tht if i care too much , other peepo will tot tht im kpo , i dun give them their own privacy . Im scared to lose peepo , but actually who is scared to lose me ?

This holiday start , the chances seeing him is really low . So long nvr see ml they all , he will agree to go swimming de . I cant be so selfish , asking him to pei me instead of going out with them ... Thts wht im telling myself . While watching absolute boyfriend which is 绝对达令 ， i saw this song lyrics saying maybe without me , ur world will hav more happiness , u will be happier . I feel like a burden to everyone . When idk how to things , i dun even noe how to take care of myself . I moodswing like every month , at least once , i get jealous easily , somehow hav a bad temper . My imperfection , are the one making me insecure , cos my fear is losing him . I scared tht one day , he will get tired of me . Im scared tht one day , when he found someone chio-er den me , better den me , he will dc me and leave me . Im scared tht one day , everything will start to fade and our relationship will also fade . Im like forever so insecure , but who actually will really understand why i hav this type of feelings everytime i hav moodswing ?

Whenever i nd him , he cant be beside me . Whenever im feeling down , i hav no one to talk to . It seems like everyone is taking me for granted . At home , im not like Stella , being dote like a princess . Frm young to now , when i see something i wan , i wun tell them i wan . I will look at the price , too ex , i wun say anything . Im not like Stella . She see the things she wan , they buy for her . Dk for how many years they nvr give me bday present alr . When i tot of them , example if mummy cook , i will be the one eating the less . Stella will eat alot . So at night , comfirm not enough . In order to let them hav enough food , i will eat just a little . They dun apreciate it , they come and scold me . Nvm , i bear . I sacrifice so much , this is wht i get . Everywhere i go , it seems tht im forever the extra one . When can i stop being the extra one , when can peepo start noticing me so tht im not transparent ?

Who will try to understand me ? Who will notice me ? Who is willing to take note of my small little things ? I always noe tht im not a good gf . The one who only noe how to throw tantrum , only noe how to be a burden , no more alr . Maybe without me , he will be happier ...

放手 ，或许对每个人都好 。没有我的日子 ，一定比较快乐 。没有我 ，你一定会比现在更幸福 。。。