“ 背后的我 ，到底变成怎样 ？”
有时 ，忘記 “ 依赖 ” 这詞也不错 . 有时 ，太依赖一个人不是件好事 . “ 一边笑得疯了 ，一边哭得累了 判若两人 ” 我哭到很累很累 . 累得不想睁開眼睛 ，累得很想结束生命 . 我把毎个人都看得太重要了 ... 重要得现在吃亏的是我 . 累了 ，能一了百了嗎 ? 看清了事实 ，是好事還是坏事 ？我现在 ，最想要的就是回到三岁 ，過着无忧无虑的生活 ，開開心心的 . 但時间不能倒流 . 如果可以 ，现在這一切就不會变成這样了 . 看得開是好事 . 但有些事看得開不代表開心 ，放得下 .
31072011 . Last day of July , August coming . 10 more days to ur bday .. I said i will try to celecrate with you but i realise i cant . So wht if im back frm Malaysia ? Our friendship leh ? Probably like wht u say , ur sec friends are really more important and thats why our friendship .. Nvm , i noe u wun see this but happy advance bday . Thanks for being my bestie for abt 1 yr . Thanks for cheering me up when i really down , thanks for supporting me in all things whether if its negative or positive for me . Thanks for letting me face the truth from this broken friendship and thanks for telling me tht u no longer nd me anymore as ur sec sch friends are more important den me . I hope tht August will be a month better for me , i wish tht August will be the month we patched . Seeing ppl's wall , seeing their wall tio spam , seeing their friendship last longer and longer , i always tot of u . No one actually noe how much this friendship means to me plus u . Probably i didn't show tht . Probably u tot tht when i emo , i said those things u tot i hurted u but not myself . In fact , everytime i emo , im crying cos of the msgs i sent u . No one noe wht is in my heart including myself .
How i wish i could hav ppl who will take the initiative to care abt me , ask me wht happened daily and see if i nd the support or wht . How i wish in my life , there's ppl who will really be cheering me on , no matter wht had happened . How i wish tht i could really face them with the real me and not having fake laugh , fake smiles . How i wish tht im not tht strong , im not tht brave cos the more strong and brave i am , the more hurt i would get . How i wish i could depend on friends and the one i like . Dream , will my dream exist ? If dream is true , will me and his relationship last ? Im really scared .. Scared to be crying everyday becos of either friendship , if not is relationship problems .. I went to her blog . I laugh when i saw those post . Sry , i broke tht promise . U say tht i wun hurt u , but due to my mood , i hurted u really hard . I read everything , i laughed , i cried . Sry , but i only could " stalk " u like wht i do to him . I could only see both of u de wall secretly without u all noe-ing . I had been controlling myself not to go both of you de wall le . But in the end i cant D:
Gril , its last day of July . Frm tmr onwards , show ur true self . Dun hide any longer . Its time to face urself . I guess tonite u wun be able to sleep . Think wht u could do to improve urself . Think wht u could do to show ur true self . Tmr , u should go sch happily . Since its the start of the month , the start of showing ur true self , be happy den . Rainbow will soon appear . Rain will stop sooner or later . Should start to believe in hope le bahh . Even 1% also good . Although the more u believe in hope , the more disappointment u will get but probably it will motivate you bahh . Girl , no matter wht , dun act happy anymore . Frm today 12am onwards , smile happily , go mad as long u are happy , laugh out loud when its really funny and cry out loud when there's sad things occuring . Dun hide everything to urself le . Tell ppl u trust if not sooner or later u will hav depression de . Although cant brainwash , but at least try to be happy hao bu hao ? Ppl dun wish to see u like this de . So jiayou !
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